I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
