i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
