maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
