Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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