when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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