I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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