This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
