last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
