i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
