Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
