I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize