An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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