WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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