then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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