Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
