he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
