She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
