I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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