you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
