I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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