The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
