yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
