3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
