Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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