alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
