Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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