i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
