the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE