ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
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His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.