Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend