It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
