All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
