he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
