You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
