Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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