nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My bed smells like the plague
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