My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
