omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
