woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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