i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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