so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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