She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
