69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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