So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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