DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
