Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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