WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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