I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
