just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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