He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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