Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
