So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
