he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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