i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
