I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
this is an emotional support booty call
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
