i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
