Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
