It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
