There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
