Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
