yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
