I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
