hotel room ftw
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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