fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
