The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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