just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
