I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
