yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
