My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no you cant smoke seaweed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize