I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
